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Ĥappińess → ĥide Ń ŠeeĶ
ĦĕLLŐs


ĜLaD Ÿou Čame O(∩_∩)O





-抚摸- Pearl's Day
Audi2 OST <3




Best view in IE Photobucket
i belong to nowhere
Saturday, February 28, 2009

Really wondering what is in my mind


This stupid woman is truely belong to nowhere
it is not a simply-put title
i truely own no feeling of where do i belong to


home?
once, when i started to accept my mom's problematic condition
and house condition is not as bad as now
then it is a big no for now
all kind of pressures are targetting me
kns dad,
stop saying u wanna kill mom, wanna run away and this and that
go ahead and go to ur whatever solomon island
and stop saying that u stayed because of sis and i
i'm sick of listening u keep repeating to everyone that u meet
JUST GET OFF if it is too tough for u to stay


i dont deserve to all the craps


need a new house?
go tell ur talented eldest daughter
she worked for so many years and wasnt able to get a house
and u keep complaining the house problem to me?


what hv i did wrong for u to keep accusing me as a bad girl?
did i take drugs? NO
did i run away from home? NO
did i get pregnant as what other girls in same road did? NO
i even never dye my hair as i wished to
i never give u a NO for whatever u requested
i tried my best to listen to all ur complaints
and i got stressed by ur sentences
and end up i got u saying me as a bad girl?


do i deserve these?


i lied that im staying hostel for the past 2 years.
this is to keep me away from the problematic u
and i did lived happily
but do u even noticed that i had been down for 3 days after every visit to home
or for every single call u dialed to me, and complaining house, mom, and ur life


why dont u call and tell her exactly the same thing u told me?



******************************************************************


i have to option but to admit my stupidity


he got his new ones
and why do i feel sad for that?
i thought this is what i wanted, so that it would reduce my guiltyness?


LMAO~ idiot me
why do i still bother how he would evaluate me if i get tgt with another guy?
he won't even bother
in fact he did it faster than i do


i feel envy
she will be more pampered than i do
but who to blame?
i gave up the best one
when i felt there's no hope to go on
i dislike his friends, especially that bitch
i dislike his family
i dislike everything around him
and his never-ended demand on sex


but he is good, undeniably


*********************************************************************


i duno why, but ppl hardly get to see the real thing regarding me - im not cheerful, not optimistic, not positive
they thought, i got alot of friends
and they thought, i was lying when i say i got none


the fact is, i got none
and i got no reason to lie about


for the recent case
i'm not staying in the uni area
so there will be no one finding me for a chat
unless i find them 1st
no invitation from anyone of them for anyone one of their activities
because i stayed too far, and im not cloase to them
even i was just beside them when they are planning it
and i just kept quiet
i knw i will not get involved even if i had voiced it out
i just knew, coz i tried.
who cares? i'm just an outsider, an abadoned one.


so i will just staying at home
watching piles and piles of pictures of their outing in facebook
and kept quiet
because -- I CAN JUST WATCH


quoting louis' sentence "that's why i seldom talk to ppl dat is usually not with me"
i guess this is true to most of the ppl
so do i
so i got rejected from entering somewhere near them
dear louis : i got no idea on how to be the one that "usually with u"?
teach me?


outside?
yup, alot of nominal friends
which are those who keep saying "find one day yamcha" when met coincidently
but never did
there are too much of them i cant share my problem with
coz they dont even bother to care about


the only ppl who would care
is the one who is after me
and they were gone if i rejected
or no longer couple with me


being friend after brking up?
i used to belief it's possible
i used to try
and i fail
and i came out with another set of conclusion
no one will bother what happened to their ex
coz no one will bother abt sth not benefitting them
as ex = no-longer-beneficial-ppl


SO I GUESS I SHALL TRY TO SWITCH BACK TO MY PREVIOUS WALK-ALONE STYLE OF LIVING.
need no one, hoping on no one, care no one.
i knw it's hard, but it is the trade-off btwn doing try hard, of feeling hard. isnt it?



this kind of post will not appear frequently
as i have no intention to make this blog to be used as
a path to rant, to blame, or to flame.
this should be a happy one, and i placed the sad one to somewhere else, in another language.

my apology, if those above causes harsh feelings on u.
nvr meant for hurting anyone, u dun deserved to get hurt by a not related person, isnt it?
sorry, sorry, and sorry.

ҒeelinĜs of Mińe @21:11



Uni-mates series • 1→ Follow up



So I had posted a status msg on my msn,
and he read, and response.

According to him,
I was supposed to edit the post.
Erm, well, I'm too lazy for it,
so will jz post up the ss of the chat
to do the "clarification" for him.

Sorrie pal, this is the best a lazy woman can, and will do.. xP






By,
evilish waiwai ^_^

ҒeelinĜs of Mińe @04:48



Uni-mates series • 1→ Louis ♂
Friday, February 27, 2009

So Louis was suggesting me to put pictures in my blog posts instead of writing a whole bunch of words, then I was saying to include his photo in it and give some detailed description on him, and I remembered he did showed his encouragement for me to do it.

Give me a moment while I’m digging deep into my databases.



Ok, this is Louis Gan, my uni-mate, one of the members from B2-1-2, the gang I am always hanging around with recently. I love to pronounce his Christian name in Chinese pronounciation, and that would be Loo-ee-si. xP

Not sure when do we get to know each others, same apply to the whole bunch of B2-1-2-ers, but I did recall that we first talk to each other during a group assignment (if not mistaken la =x). The 1st picture is taken by me for fun outside Dr. Goi’s office while waiting for his FYP consultation, and the 2nd was taken by Kevin using my phone while Wei Seong is presenting his FYP.

Undeniably, he is a pro. Involved in web designing utilizes all kind of Adobe applications, pro in writing programs, dean list student, hosting a PROFESSIONAL blog (this is what he said to me) on antivirus and calling himself Dr. Safemode. A talented guy with bright future norh~ Never dare to compare myself with him sia, since I was so bad in many aspects. Luckily he is not in the same major as I do; else I would be trashed badly by him (even thou I am now, by the others same major ones). LOLX ~ O(∩_∩)O

Also, I would regard him as a weird guy, as what someone which I forgot who (I think is Wei Seong or Pin) mentioned previously. I wasn’t able to recall the reason WS saying so, but my reason for giving him this title was that, you will not know what is in his brain at a moment. And the story goes like this,

My dear char char tagged me in a note in facebook, I followed and tagged another 20+ people as stated in the note, including Louis. Then not long after that, when I was joining them to buy lunch together, someone mentioned about this and he starts complaining me tagging him for nonsense rubbish. I have to admit that he was too good in expressing his dissatisfaction until I TER-annoyed a little and got him removed from my tag list.

Well, that is not the weird part.

Few of us went jogging in Cyberpark to train for our KK trip, then dinner followed by valentine’s- present-hunt in Jusco. He replied me “u deserve meh?” when I joke to ask him buy a valentine’s greeting card for me (owh it’s hurts~), so I posted it on my facebook status and said that I’m upset for that sentence – “Waiwai is sad for Louis’s “u deserved meh?”” It was so coincidently B2-1-2-ers was on. WS showed his support to me, while Louis expressed his beh-song-ness with a just a sentence – “i dun deserve such comment”. Sounds serious isn’t it? Makes me change my status message immediately, scared me sia.

Then here come the weird part, they find me yamcha few hours after that. He looks normal like nothing happened. It is me that mistaken his tone or he is really weird? Haha~ whatever..

I was wondering what kind of response I will get after I posted this, will update in my next post. Anyway, he is indeed a helpful friend, and me helping me in so many matters, and I like to joke on him, as it was so fun to look at his reaction. Thanks pal for being my friend, and sorry for any offence, if there is any, never meant to cause any harsh feelings to you.(*^__^*)


Erm, lastly, do feel free to visit the mentioned PROFESSIONAL blog, http://www.drsafemode.com/

(See? I help to advertise your blog here, compensate back le hor ^_^ mai angry uh~)




••• uni-mates series #1 - ends -

up coming next - WeiSeong Lee =x



Signing off with best regards,

waiwai aka η

p/s: sorrie pals, i wrote a long post agian. unchangable larh.. xP


ҒeelinĜs of Mińe @06:09




-抚摸- Pearl's Day

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