Been in some issue which jokes make friend angry, in a chat.
I was so sad for being in such situation again, as what I experienced not long ago.
Previously, I made some jokes on an audi friend who keep looking for girls in audi ( I called it “despo”, short form for desperate). I apologized, and been scolded by him for around an hour non-stop, with his highly proficient English, and extremely good memory which he could remember each n every single word I used in the jokes I made. And yet I failed to obtain his forgiveness though I make no defend through out the whole hour scold, but apology, repeatedly.
Then we are no longer friends.
Another scenario happened today, for the same reason. One of my close audi friend mad on me for some stupid and harmless jokes. ( I believed they are, but don’t know how he interpreted it. Let me know how you think, k?)
“again my apology. if this make no help, thn forget it.. i gv up. y do i care so much abt som1 i din even met?” --- msn message, 13-01-2008, 03:03.
Heartache, the only way that I felt, at that moment.
I have had an unpleasant past, and friends are the people who raised me up through out my childhood, and I’m glad for having them by my sides. Thus, I do cherish each and every friendship in my life, which happened to be my greatest treasure which I appreciated the most. I’m trying very hard not to hurt any of my friends, as I know I’m too frank in speech. I tried not to keep any hate toward my friends, after their betrayal. I did everything, to avoid myself from losing any friend.
Therefore, losing a friend would be my greatest pain to me, especially when I was the one who did the thing, tried my best to rescue the situation, and failed eventually. It’s even worst when I don’t even get the chance to know they no longer needing you as their friend, or the reason they start ignoring you.
*it was just, heartache*
--This is why do I care so much about you, someone I didn’t even met, because you are my friend.--
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The below part is dedicated to my beloved audi papa, Alex. To those who read this, please make no judgment on simplicity (when you don’t even know him personally), as this is between. The reason I put it in this post was to also show I feel in the issue. Appreciate you coorperations~~ thank you!
Dear Alex,
I’m neither trying to annoy nor irritating you, but try to let you know why do I so frustrated for “waiting”. Waiting is a scary term for me, as I’ve been in waiting condition for too many times. Waiting for my to bring me home during primary 1, but never appears because she was sick. Waiting for my so called “boyfriend’s” (an ex- now) call, but he never did, ended up with I found out that he got another girl and he was just playing with me). Waiting some promises that never been realized, by any of the promisor.
I’m not sure whether you have been in such situation that you are waiting and you don’t even know what you are waiting for, and it keeps you waiting, forever. It will makes you get into a condition that you felt anxious, frustrated and yet you have to keep waiting as you have no other choice.
Anxiety kills an elephant.
I’ve been in such situation frequently. Remember the day that I met you in audi? I was mad about audi people around me. I pm-ed my papa#1 he say wait, so do all other friends. I thought there will be some replies further on, so I waited, but there’s nothing but the annoying lobby song. They keep me waiting forever, and I became an idiot who do not know what she’s waiting for. Idiot, a funny way I used to call myself, isn’t it?
Talk to me if you can’t get what I’m trying to express, I’ll be happy to share my weird thoughts. ( To everyone who feels the same way too.. ^^)
Lastly, sorry for making you mad and I do care about you. *please remember that I did felt heartache, for you*
I love you, papa~ <33
Went backed to my home in the past few days. It's been four months, I realized.
Couldn’t sleep in the night as I have used to the life that staying up whole night until dawn.
There's nothing I can do in the house other than reading the books that been lying in my room for months.
Went on bed around 5 something after finishing a book by Hiyawu, my favorite Taiwan online novel author. And got awaken by a nightmare around 6 something.
It was terrible nightmare. (hmm, all nightmares are scary, right? Then what am I crapping? Duh~) There goes the scenes in my dream :
I was a in a school compound, during a camp I think. All people are bathing and all water pipes run out of water in a sudden. In the beginning, we (the campers and the teachers) thought that it was due to some sort of “ghost” thingy, as the environment there was so gloomy, and coldness gone through our veins, then a shiver running through our body. Then it turned out that a big gang of monkey appeared in front of us.
It’s kindda funny isn’t it? However, it ain’t a funny thing. Those monkey are obviously are ready for a war. The scenery then suddenly changed to a cliff, and we are at the 2 opposite, with a deep valley between us. They started the whole thing by shooting something to us, a bullet if not mistaken. The fight began when our teacher shot a ball to them, trying to make them fall into the deep deep valley. All student are gathered closely behind the teachers, and paying full attention to the “war”.
I was sitting at the last row of the team, and out of nowhere, 2 person of brown skin shown up behind us. They were sitting quiet at the beginning, chatting among themselves. I heard them said something like one of them used to have a long hair, then forced to cut it short. After that, they took out a knife and approaching us, start cutting my friend’s hair.
There comes the frightening part (this scared me, but not sure if it will do the same to you too), at which they did not cut a friend’s hair, but directly poked the knife into my friend’s head, repeatedly. They did the same to those who refused to let them cut their hair. I moved towards the teachers when I saw them start stabbing my friend, hope to gain some help from them. However, that was useless. Then I realized the monkeys side was the right side that we are supposed to be at. It’s too late to regret. I stepping backward towards the edge of the cliff when they approaching me, then I fell off the edge in the next second.
Then that’s the end of the nightmares, I was awaked. There is nothing much in the remaining part of that dream when I fell asleep again. I was being saved by someone as I’m falling down(suddenly though of a childhood song while I’m writing this.. London bridge is falling down~~ lolx..), who hide in a cave on the cliff, the plans of survival and nothing else.
The moral of the nightmare ( not “story” because it’s real) :
Human beings are the most dangerous creatures in the world, as you will never expect what they would do to you, how they do it, and the reason they doing it. Compared to human, animals are simply harmless. And even if they harms, they will eventually mastered by the humans, as they only creatures that have the “natural processor” to study everything, including themselves.
I’m feeling more and more insecure for living in this world, staying in a place of bad security which robbery, rape, and murder cases are happening each and every second, in a place that looks so far, yet too close to us.
When you listening to the real experience of someone you know, or reading the news from the papers, you hardly dare to imagine the scenery when the case is happening. The stabs, the blood, the pain of the victim… That’s the reason I felt frighten when the people are stabbing SOMEONE I KNOW, INTO THE HEAD. *shiver*
And, I believed each dream bring a meaning, or a hint to our life. I’d been dreaming of my real sister and cousin sister died. And guess what? I woke up in tears. I referred to some website, I got the opposite explanation that the “died” person in dreams will live long. I wonder how they get the conclusion, and whether it’s reliable.
If there is any explanation to the nightmares I’ve been in, please do let me know. I would appreciate it. ^^ Hmm, this shouldn’t go any longer, else I will get kill for being kill your eyes’ cells.. Haha, hope I’m not boring you.
Cheerz~
p/s : Why do nightmares sound like a fantasy story sia? *scratching head* Do you fell the same? =x (char char says she likes fiction stories when i told her this.. fiction sia~ ==)
** Update to the previous post : -KNS-KiDz official new ign ( official O.o?? lolz) would be -L0sT-xBlaze.. <33
